Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

You are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, the best bits of his Saturday morning show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, Rhod's having a bit of a rest, so, it is me and Eggzy of Goldie Lookin Chain sitting in.

ロッドはお休み。ボクとエグジーがお送りします。

It's nice to be back in the Room. / Nice to be back in the Room with you. / The old eastern block listening post, you know ... great concrete walls and a couple of microphones ... it's, uh, it's very exciting, and I'm ... I'm very excited to be here today. / You've got __ middle class, you've got / a glazed __, a glazed __, / Glazed __? / A apricot g__, yeah. Very posh. / Wow. Where's mine? ボクの分は？ / Sorry, I didn't bring ... / do you want to have some of that? You are more than welcome to have some of that. / I might, during the next song, perhaps I will. / OK. / That will be nice. / OK. We can share ... we can share / dough-based products. It's not a problem. Uh ... / I can ... "You can share my dough-based products"/ There you go. Any time. / Have you ever used that as a chat-up line? / I / just have now / date with me? I've got some dough. / 've got lots coming up on the show / a lot of fun setting __ pre-prepared features. / Yeah. / That's what we've been enjoying doing. / Yeah. / Isn't it? / We spoke for at least eight minutes before the show, talking about things we might do and might not do, which was pretty good. / Have you ... or are you dating anyone because they can play the guitar? / Huh. / That's one feature. / Yeah. / There's a quirky story. We'll do that quirky story, we'll set it up, uh, possibly after the next, uh, song. / Yeah. / Are you ... or have you ever dated anyone because they can play the guitar? All right? That's the first one. Second one: What's the stupidest thing you've ever bought for your pet? / OK. Right. / Now, there's got to be loads of that. / I ... / There's got to be loads of that. / ... as a youngster, had a lot of pet cats, and, instead of buying stuff. We would simply adapt cardboard boxes into cat (case). 猫グッズを買う代わりに、空き箱を利用して ... __ __ __ / ... And they never used them. ... They never used / I / made a window / escape tube, ... "Why don't you use it?" And / look / like you are stupid / of course. They're more intelligent than you. That's why. そりゃそうだろう。キミよりネコのほうが頭がいいから。/ Exactly, exactly, yes. that's it / look at the tube __. He's an idiot. こいつバカじゃねーの。 / toy car / plastic eyeball spun around really fast / yeah / that would attract the cat / cat / not interested? / Nothing. / who would not be interested in a plastic eyeball on an electric motor? これを面白がらないヤツなんて存在するのか？/ especially if you are a cat ネコだったらなおさら。/ yeah / you know / obviously that cat was not cool. (かっこいい / 面白い / 問題なし) / maybe we can answer some of these questions, Eggz. / Huh huh.

This is a quirky story in the news: Are you ... or have you ever dated anyone just because they can play the guitar? / Right. OK. / the guitar / stats. / OK. / and I've entitled this "Romantic Stat Fact Story of the Week". / Right. OK. / And, some of these stats ... I want your opinion / don't hold back 腹蔵のない意見を言ってくれ。/ I just wanna say, firstly, um, I know people who've literally got teeth growing out of / forehead 額から歯が生えているような男がいたが / but they play guitar really well, / Yeah, / women / their feet. / it's a skill / what this thing is saying. / Yeah. / Well, let me bring you ... let me bring you the science / OK / Men who play the guitar are instantly 90% more attractive. / Look at that. Just by holding a box of air with some strings attached. 空っぽの箱に糸を張っただけのものを持っただけなのに。/ to be honest, that stat alone is a big enough news. / That's ... I mean, I've got a guitar at home / I know seven chords. I think I know seven chords / about five / I don't even know what they're called コード名は一個も知らないけど。/ I can make some noise with this. So, maybe / night club or pub. / Well, maybe we need to just walk around with it. I'll tell you what, actually, / Huh huh, / remind me to tell you the story / when I bought my guitar / at the end of / here we go. Uh ... "One-third of men ... and, in brackets / percent / in case you didn't know what "the third" was 「三分の一」の意味がわからない人のために / across the UK / tried to impress someone by learning / guitar / and / astounding 9 in 10 Britons say they find someone who plays the guitar instantly sexy. / Brilliant. ... How does it work for banjo players? I don't know where __ stand on that / you know. / Oh, what a great question! / this is why you should be in __ academia / Yeah. / 'cause you are moving this on / this stuff's obvious / Yeah. / Isn't it? / mandolin, the banjo / ukulele / where / how / How sexy are ukes? / Exactly, exactly. / Anyway, / someone else / you can do that because / my thes__s / work on that / OK, OK. / guitars have the power / undesirable geeks into gods." This, I imagine, this is / captured in cult classic such as / context first / A quarter of the UK's population / in brackets, (25%) 四分の一、つまり 25%。/ I like the way they __ it down for me 暖かい心遣いをどうも。 / Thanks ... "... openly admit to dating someone purely because they can play the gutar" ... I'm not sure about that / purely / only because / lot / extremely shallow / and that's it / just wooed by the magic of the string. / The magic of the string, yeah. / play / violin? I don't know / great / one-third of men ... bracket ... anyway, / across the UK / impress someone by / it's not surprising that / one in ten women, see, / one in / powerful statistics / between 18 and 24 say / a must in a man." That's fair enough / just music fans 要するに音楽ファンだろう。そのくらいは、いても不思議じゃない。/ Scottish women / players / whole rock star thing that makes men who play the instrument appealing / meanwhile, I'm not sure / I'm not sure / next one can be right / ladies in C__ / guitar players / good with their hands ギターが弾ける人は手先が器用だと。/ they can't all have said that / that must be in the question これだけの人数が、自発的にそう答えたはずはない。アンケートの質問文の中に仕込まれてるんだ。/ ought to be good at / fix / date him / without doubt / Anyway, when Britons / asked / guitar / Jimi Hendrix / it / his style / 21% thought it was because of his hair" That's ... they're idiot, right? Brian May / happy days / Jimi / big fan of Jimi Hendrix / OK. Wrapping up now. / some responses, right? / undeniably sexy when / rock / guitar / more than half find / passionate about music. ... So, here's a question. Have you, ... / Yeah, / ever dated anybody, or are you dating anybody, because / can play __ guitar / Right. / we can extend / do you also / anyone out there / any other / stringed instrument / sexy / brackets, (banjo) バンジョー含む。/ Yeah. I mean ... firstly, I've gotta say, I've never dated anyone 'cause they can play __ guitar / I did spend 50 minutes talking to a poster of / once, because she was so skilled / violin / I fell in love with her / she didn't reply / two-dimentional picture バイオリンがすばらしいので、50分間話しかけた。彼女は二次元のポスターなので返事をしてくれなかったが。/ yeah / so, there / link between / stringed instruments / and, uh, love / love / eroticism and sexyness ... and physical attraction / that's it. George Formby / judging by the ... his songs, / essentially stalking people 要するにストーカーだが。/ yeah / perhaps / didn't / your window / you know / maybe eventually got in / 多分、最終的には家に入れてもらえたんだろう。 / lovely / exactly, exactly / I / gonna stay / all night / I know where you live, I know where you live 君がどこに住んでいるかはわかってるんだ / I've got me banjo / less popular / that classic song, "I know where you live / your window.

We are talking ... are you ... or have you ever dated / guitar / we've had some responses, Eggz / think / OK. / "Anyone with passion and talent is sexy, whatever that might be. / Yes. / very precise / spoken / very profound answer there / yeah / spread the love / spread the love / and, uh ... OK. I would just say, yeah, / guitar / I don't care. / I wanna / flying V / painted down it / really tight leather ... leather trousers / yeah / uh ... with a lot of curly hair / sure / that's the look I / maybe a small pointy beard / looking for / right / you know / I will fall in love with a man if he looks like that / well, you've just described the guy from, um, Black Sabbath, haven't you? / Huh, Tony Iommi? / Yeah. / Tony Iommi / got / extra skill / like, uh, fake fingers, which makes him even cooler. So, / with / just / (fully got signed) / Yeah? / he was working in ... in a factory, and, it was like, literally, / week before / become Black Sabbath properly / oh, no / cut the end / accident / got it / so, if you / shaken by the hand / have a look at his fingers / like / animal skills / Wonderful. Wonderful. / Well, also, looks __ __ __ （女性？）kind of answers the question / other stringed instruments / sexy, which was / Right. / banjo / yeah / uklele / huh / violin, and slide guitar / played on / go with / talent and passion. / Talent and fashion. / Here we are. / Yeah. / Uh ... this is / story / the other side / this is an interesting one. Yeah, yeah, / OK. / this is, in terms of academia / the other side / Let's hear the other side. 向こう側にいる人からの証言を聞こうじゃないか。/ "As a fairy decent guitarist, I can say no one has ever dated me because そこそこの腕をもつギタリストとして言わせてもらうと、/ good use of words as well 「フレットワーク」だとよ。専門用語の使い方にも余裕が感じられる。 / my fret-work / supporting the "leaning on the lampost / stalker theory. ... Perhaps we guitarists are untouchable objects of desire / Jason / father of / Jason / for a start, you are married, right? So, / just so, so, attractive when you play the guitar that ... / intimidating / They are too scared / taken this debate on further / I mean, sometimes the power / so powerful / too scared to approach you. / pointed out / maybe / not necessarily / men / instantly 90% more attractive / Yeah. / but it might be / women who / the thing is, no one is talking about women / here / Good point. / there's not a lot of women who play the guitar / be mentioned here today, but ... / woman / pretty damn good. It was Michael Jackson / he had a female guitarist / get popular / really a massive Michael Jackson fan, but there is always a / woman in the background, playing guitar / it was like, "Who's the woman / Michael dancing / I don't care / short trousers / woman playing the guitar, you know / Jessica Greene / on / tweet / "Yeah. It makes guys more attractive つまり、女性ギタリストをはべらせている男は魅力的ということだ。/ I'm not being nasty __ Jessica __ massive super star at the moment, but if / instrument / you know / this is a test we're gonna do / Huh huh, / because we have printed off the top fif ... top one hundred guitarists of all time / OK. / And, you and me are gonna just filter / through / with regards to whether / we think / be sexy with or without the guitar / OK. / yeah / two things / Obviously we don't have technology to guage this by, so, / make this up, uh, our own gauging system. / Our own gauging system / gonna be, me saying / name of the person / OK / need to come up with two ... three sounds. One is ... "sexy", so ... / ... yeah, OK, yeah / probably / gonna be mine / The other one is neutral / so, like / could be sexy / after / yeah / and, the last one is "Not aroused" / OK? So, that / if we had the technology for this, we would have sound of someone, um, perhaps, playing some sort of mediocre Spanish guitar for a kind of a middle of the range / yes / you know what I mean / the top / like / yes / bottom / be the " __ __ " from Family Fortunes / someone playing / really badly / but we don't have that technology. We haven't got / hang on, then, ... So, you've got / Michael / show / that's much better / Yeah, OK. So ... / OK. / if someone's not that sexy / they / bad acoustic rendition of Michael __ / OK. What's the neutral one? / Uh ... the neutral one is, maybe, just, uh ... with some sort of / playing some sort of / acoustic / was so, so beautiful, ... ... ... / music from The D__ Hunter? Was that the music from The Dear Hunter? / is that what / do you know what? I / think / all of a sudden / like / anything, I think, that ... yeah / a bit sad / I know it's a bit sad / maybe / Michael / yeah / for sexy / that's very good / neutral one / neutral one / Girl From Ipanema, ... / __ __ kind of lift music (エレベーターでかかってる BGM) / it's a bit ... you know / lift music. Right. OK. Here we go ... 'cause you might be ... you might be / a bit / good / so, with guitar / with guitar, yes ... / Jimi Hendrix ... / without guitar, Jimi Hendrix ... / without doubt / Hendrix is, uh, / this is working / I take Hendrix / spoons / meal / I like him that much / pine afterwards / Oh, yeah / I would / black / cheese cake / either one / that'd be fantastic / OK. Next one. ... OK. With guitar, / Huh huh, / B. B. King ... ... / yeah / yes. ... Without guitar / Without guitar ... ... ... / yeah / OK, yeah. / this system works. This is ... this is __ interaction / (if) there / any academics 学者さん、もし聴いてたら / there / this is / great research / you can call this your research これは自分の研究成果だって言っていいから。 / here we go. Next one / Brian May, with guitar / I've just gotta say, uh, Brian May, uh, married to / EastEnders fame / once / I stood behind May and Dobson__ / entire gig / couldn't tell them apart 見分けがつかなかった。/ exactly the same hair / which one / which / standing behind / know / that's / yeah, that's it. / OK. So, with guitar, Brian Many / I / although he's cool, I'm a little bit, like ... / yeah, I'm ... / I'm a little bit, um ... / yeah / sexy / Brian / do you know / and, without guitar ... / yeah / it's ... it's / it works / if / Freddie ... Freddie was the __ __ of Queen. He had all the power / if you gave Freddie a guitar / never / let's do it / don't talk about it. Let's do it / so, Freddie M__ / without guitar / with guitar / easily / the thing is, apparently, the record label __ __ if it gave Freddie __ guitar on stage / the entire audience would have exploded, so they just couldn't do it / yeah / used to do / sorry / yeah / always too fast / yeah / but it's like / they knew / any longer / guitar / everybody / would explode / at least / blood / come out of / was too much / it was too much / last one / song / OK. / Ready? / Huh huh. / It's gonna be no-brainer. 考えるまでもない。/ Yeah. / So, with guitar, / Yeah, / Eddie Van Halen / Yes. / Without guitar, Eddie Van Halen / yeah, Van Halen, yeah, you can't go wrong. / Come on / lycra tights / lycra tights / Classic. ... Huh ... wonderful time.

What is the stupidest thing you have bought for your pet? This is a feature / picking up / Rhod's Morning / I've got / story / got / strong views / people / buy for pets / I've got strong views as well. / OK. / 'Cause, uh ... oh, here's some examples / right / yeah / pet / GPS collars for their dogs / who buy? / someone / make GPS collars / by any chance / good point, Eggzy / possibly / Satire. / See? See? / We look / radio / furry friends ... my mate's got / GPS tracking thing / cat / OK / like, a little collar sort of device / quickly / and basically / America / it's like a ... uh ... traffic cop's speed device thing with / holding / one / 80's / TV aerials / that big. And the cat has this massive collar on it / is basically wearing ... yeah, / transmitter stuck to the / transmitter / it's like / aeroplane black box / drag / front door / Exactly that / he lives in Oxford / he's got / quite a big house / he's got quite a big kitchen / yes / open / turn it on / and then / round the room, and it went pyurrrrruuuueee ... / where the cat is, and it is there. / the corner of the kitchen / cat dragging / looking at him as if to go, "I can't believe you are making me / I'm here / I'm so embarrassed. ああ、恥ずかしい。/ I probably go upstairs / bed for three hours / then sitting / looking / traffic / Exactly. / what he does / overly-protective of that cat / it's all right / baby, 子どもができたので、彼の愛情はそっちに移ったが、それまでは、so, I think / you know / all / fine / up until / cat. So, you get twitchy about it, so, / in the middle of the night / downstairs / that's what cats do, yeah. 猫ってそういうもんだよね。/ exactly / sonar device / and I just / picture of this cat with his mates / kind / here comes your dad / look / who's going home ほらほら、パパが迎えに来たぜ。 / co__ / makes me do it / try / break it, you know / I like your colar, Terry / male cats / unbelievable. / ... Anyway / whoever / stop / Pet umbrellas. ペット用の傘。 / A what? Come on マジ？ やめてくれ。 / these / adverts / anyway / pouring / without an umbrella / why should your dog be treated any differently? / No. / house / How does that work? / do / picture / really / pet umbrella / head / how do you attach / do / all right. I'm not gonna read out the descriptions of all of these / advert / paw-plunger / keeps your pet's paws clean and fresh. / Stupid. / Are you sick and tired / p__ing around the house? / right / so, what is / container with / in / all the work / this is rubbish / That's rubbish / this is a rubbish feature / Yeah. / Oh, I thought / really exciting feature / genuine stuff / just nonesense / those magazines are / magazines / come around / those really ... yeah / giant sox and things / Yeah. Those giant / yellow plastic sunglasses that fit over your own glasses / and / sixty plus and you and your wife / next to each other / looking / horizon / that kind of vibe, you know. / Yeah. and there's another about feeding your pets / automatic way / I / plays with your dog so you don't have to. それが犬と遊んでくれるので、あなたはもう犬と遊んであげる必要はありません / look, the whole point of having a dog / you play with it. I'm not / give that any respect at all / primal / dog houses / that's just a radiator / the radiator / opening the door / yeah, exactly / a treadmill so you / you don't deserve a dog / treadmill so you can / take your dog back. / Yeah. / a dog filtering fountain ... because / ... shut up やかましい。/ dog / eat / own fece. It doesn't matter 犬は自分のクソをなめるような連中なんだ。そんなやつらのために水を浄化してどうする。/ sounds / box of dogs and / best one / bottom 箱に何匹もの犬を詰め込んでフィルターにかけて一番いいのを / That's nonesense / never / like it 犬のために水をフィルターにかけるんじゃない。/ Anyway, in that spirit その意気で、考えてみよう / what is the stupidest / this / have you got an answer? Or / opinions / three things / fascinated by / look beautiful / absolutely / tropical fish / what's the point in buying / small / every / air pops out / great looking things to have, / Yeah? / but I'm __ __ __ fountain / in the bath than / fish / do you know / Are you sure? / sure / fish wouldn't enjoy it? / don't / swimming around it / going through the little castle gate? / I just think / fish / only really knows / how to eat stuff and have / poo / bum / what / environment / idea of a diver with red boots and one of those / they're classic, yeah / helmets / value / goldfish / OK / particularly if you believe this stuff about / goldfish only / that means everything's new / yeah / it's a possibility / every 35 seconds. I'm not going over there / they're constantly terrified __ 秒前のことを忘れるから、毎回怖がる。 / hang around / leave me alone / come back out again / come back out again / what are you talking about / again / it's all right. It's / one of those things / pops / something / where are we? I don't know. What's that ... / oh, there's something coming out of the / on / that's / torture / or do we think that everything like that is rubbish? / I think I deserve those sorts of toys, and fish don't really deserve the / toys / I'd rather fill my bath with / plastic skelton / fish tank / what is the stupidest thing you have ever bought for your pet / seen anybody / a photo of a cat in a dicky bow. "I bought my cats dicky bow ties. I don't regret this" __ says. __ I'm not surprised / black and white cat, and ... / quite majestic / he looks great. / He does, actually. / he's black, and he's got white cheeks, and a white chest, and therefore / yeah / black dicky bow look smart. / I actually really like that / really smart cat / only / enhance that is / around / then it would be amazing. ... That is / white (top hat) / Oh, wonderful, / yeah / wonderful. yeah. / if he had a cane / yes. Oh, this is / sort of / suddenly / little man / I think / bow / designed for a cat. / Yeah. / not right / that's wrong / stupid / not right / that's wrong / just wrong. Nobody ... / put / hat / dog. Sorry, but you're not gonna / Christmas card off me this year / internet / happy days / __ __ __ __ __ dog, didn't we? __ __ __ we took a photo and put it on Facebook / what do they look like? __ __ look like a little reindeer / look like a proper reindeer / No. It's just ... it's horrible. Make it stop. / Yeah. / Make it stop.

Right. / Yes. / Um ... I want your opinion on this / ok / the best gadgets / most ridiculous gadgets / ever seen / so, this is taking pet gedet_ry to the next level. / To the next level. / OK. / You can buy on the internet / cat battle armour for 500 dollars / Yes! / There is a photo in ... of a cat / battle / top right down side / the best thing I've ... my eyes will ever see. Uh ... I am about to cry. This is amazing. Quick, / scheduled to / this is ... so, basically / a cat / I can only describe as a comfy fitting exo-skeleton, / yeah, / it's ... it's like / meets cats / yeah / it's ... wow / and / cat basically, isn't it? / look / thing about it is / the look of the expression on the face of the cat / is that someone's put that on really quickly / yeah / quite sure / does look good / OK. So, is that OK, Eggz? Or is that ridiculous? / I know what the answer is / for me, personally / best thing / I've ever seen / ok / gonna say a little ... a little / something as / cat battle armour, why not just buy two / from a toy shop / pop them on the tail of the cat / yeah / and / from behind / a little mini brontosaurus / if you can / Oh, no, wait a minute. This / say / you can't afford it / smaller / and therefore cheaper, but actually / 24 grand / however / moderately priced / what do you think / hand-made guinea pig armour / left-hand side / wow. Hand-made guinea pig armour, uh, is next level / yeah / I mean / helmet on / helmet on, like / got a full helmet / old-fashioned metal helmet / fish scale / armour / armadillo / basically it's an armadilo with a furry face / an armadillo / looks happy / looks like / sort of / on it / whenever / to defend / you know / probably / hatch / somewhere / hatch / sort / Lord of Rings / pets / good / this is ... this is ... I'm just ... a cat in armour and a guinea pig ... who would have thought / walk up this morning / such fantastic imagery / talking to people about it / dodgy area / bit / Yeah. Let's just move on. 僕が今日こんなすばらしい写真を見られるだなんて、誰が想像できたろうか。

I thought we / wrapped / crazy stuff that / battle armor / sort of, like / three things / this one, uh, I just had underneath ... this is the greatest thing I've ever seen / you can buy / this is called No More "ruff" 「ワンワン！ はもうたくさん！」 / and it's a dog-to-human translator. / A what? / I've got / wow / wow / is / bulldog / It's a pug. And he's got a call-center headset on, right? / This is / and it says, "Yes / not only / not / here comes No More "ruff" / a device / the latest technology / micro-computing / down / on the heads of dogs / translate their barks, growls and sighs / this is amazing / Plain English / basically, how much does / 400 dollars / I can tell / 400 quid / say / eat my own poo / sniffing / between / legs 自分の糞が食べたいとか、股ぐらをなめたいとか / what's funny / that maybe is what / bark / "I love cats." ほんとにそういことを言っているかもしれない。でもこの翻訳機にかかったら、「私はネコが好きです」とかになるんじゃないか？ / what I mean / I hate walking / or / put me / one / picture / I didn't say that! そんなこと言ってないワン！/ turn the machine off. It's lying to you. It's lying. It's just lying / put me in / bath / one / band / no / the greatest thing / how / that's not what I meant to say / oh / that's, uh ... / television / yeah / greatest thing / it's ... it's one of the weirdest things I / today / probably / some pretty / considering it's not even ... it's not even / quite / that picture / @rhodgilbertshow / twitter feed / have a / look / picture up. I just love the idea of a call center employing all of these dogs / technically, if / headsets / I mean technically / call center / it would be amazing, wouldn't it? / be interesting / Hello / sorry, what / help / problem / yeah / press 1 to hear the dog licking in between his legs." That's what / gonna get / press 2 to hear the sound of / press 3 to hear the sound of / gonna get / I love you / unbelievable / unbelievable / terrific. ... Eggzy / H__ from Cardiff / our / together. "The stupidest / was a guitar 一石二鳥でお答えします。私がペットに買ってあげた一番アホらしいもの、それはギターです。私のペットはセクシーでしょうか？ / come on / いいかげんにしなさい / fell in love / does that make my pet sexy?", he says / if he can play / pet / Sweet Child O' Mine / guitar / offer to marry __ straight away 君のペットがスウィート・チャイルド・オ・マイン」を弾けるならすぐプロポーズするよ。/ Guaranteed. Guaranteed. / Wonderful. Wonderful.

Mr. Rhod Gilbert will be back next week on his show, from his kitchen / I'm fairly sure / learned from this show? / Cats look / and guitars make you sexy / carry around the guitar at all times, and I am committing to this / from now on. ... If you enjoyed that, why not listen to the whole show / every Saturday morning / 11 till 1, BBC Radio Wales.